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suicide years

by crushinglove

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1.
suicide years 02:09
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i'm lonelier today than i have ever been the sun is out and proud and the kids are playing but all i feel is bad i don't care i'm so sad you can have your cake i will have my lonely bed when you try to make me smile i never could and when you say okay get up with me i never would why can't you just leave like so many others have i know you care for me what i want is your love what i want is your love
2.
pity party 02:19
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here you go again telling me the things that i want to hear thought you'd never say i can't believe lies don't cross the bridge your mouth, your lips and your eyes just don't feel the same to me the same to me the same to me the night quakes and breaks the truth that i have made in the dark, in my wrist and my heart tied in knots my body's laid my body's laid i can't believe lies don't cross the bridge your mouth, your lips and your eyes just don't feel the same to me the same to me the same to me
3.
i love you now i love you less 02:57
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i shoot the stars in the dark i bear my arms, lost a spark so i could be with you i tell myself to stop the car i lost the map long time ago so i could be with you a traffic jam in my head i love you now i love you less your eyes blue like sunlit sky i love you still i love you less shattered windows and buzzing aches i gave up a sudden crave knowing something's really wrong but taking time to write a song a traffic jam in my head i love you now i love you less your eyes blue like sunlit sky i love you still i love you less
4.
confession time 02:51
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come close, i gotta tell you when you left town i was almost dead had a breakdown confession time i never forgot you i never got over what happened to us life seemed almost too perfect should have expected that little fuss breaking the third wall never felt this sadder you think i'm all delusions but i'm speaking the truth confession time i'm still stricken can't get up from losing you when are you gonna call me don't you feel this sadness too
5.
feel so dry 04:16
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i feel so dry coz i've seen myself with you yet i feel so alive coz i'm away from you but why do i cry if it's all so quiet and done shouldn't i be high to finally have gone to finally have gone you hold my hand too tight, i see a mark it's red and it sparks a debate in my eyes i ask if it's proof of your love or just a sign from god telling me to leave are you telling me to leave i feel so dry coz i lose myself in you i feel so alive when i've got you under my skin why do i fight when you're already within shouldn't i be satisfied to have you in sin you clue me in you tune me down as if i'm just a sound the sound of a door closing but i'm too high i can't answer anything it's just a sign telling me to leave are you telling me to leave please don't tell me
6.
until i can believe it 04:21
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yesterday i heard the news i can't believe it's true someone told me face to face i can't believe it's true i can't believe it's true until i hear it from your mouth until i wash all trace of doubt until you tell me everything until i can believe it someone told me that you drowned i won't believe it's true someone told me that you're dead i won't believe it's true i won't believe it's true until i see you float up above until i dance on your grave until our last embrace until i can believe it until i can believe it just last night, we made a wish to be together still we walked alone under the stars and we held hands until until we almost melted until i hear it from your mouth until i wash all trace of doubt until you tell me everything until i can believe it until i can believe it i just can't believe it until i can believe it
7.
morning ghost 03:29
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you left the room like air escaping the window of a prison like a dream or a delusion and i woke up beside you your skin felt so rough against my resolution and doubt and my love trampled like roses the wounded petals in the street searching like a croon to the moon of last year of last year and i stood like a specter like a ghost in the stairs running from everything i have ever known to be good
8.
bum love song 02:38
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playing that guitar driving in that car stranded on the phone been years since i've seen you alone nothing's been that changed every corner has remained so empty and demeaned you're still watching that tv lying on the ruin making an excuse to disassociate and leave me hanging late you're pulling me down with you you're making it all too true i thought you'd really change i thought at least for me but you're so paralyzed by all the fears you feel inside sighing in your head kissing with the dead and now, everything is done all the chances are taken on and i'm still on the line waiting for a sign from you to just appear and move me back to tears but i am just the same in the same disarray you've lifted all your pain and buried me under it doesn't really bother me that is what love is, can't you see
9.
elegy 01:34
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i keep loose threads from your green dress now that you're gone away from here rode behind my father while you have disappeared black cars in line ups like a parade into the stormy seas sun shines bright rain falls like a marriage in the mist coffin lowered, tears falling and drowning me sweet, false, melancholic whispers distant memories can barely remember your face mother like a mystery
10.
bone tired 03:34
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i feel so bone tired i ache from end to end i feel so bone tired i wish that i was dead my whole life is in tatters and i am on the brink i wanna fall and shatter break and burn my wings and i am falling down while you keep flying high past above my eyeline i can't even see you anymore nothing here can turn me into what i was before not that it would be better hell, i'll be hell once more but anyway, i am running careless don't care about a crash a blood curdling collision is all i wanna have i feel so bone tired i ache from end to end i feel so bone tired i wish that i was dead
11.
divorce papers 04:20
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there's a candle by the nightstand a light fire by the bed and you're smiling right beside me like an angel in my head it's a circle that keeps turning your eyes speak words i don't hear like bells that never ring you say softly that you love me i whisper back the same now, it's coming to a close, dear our love story, our fairytale why do things have to close down why do curtains have to burn i may be tired but i'm breathing i need a straight line to curve now that the deal is done and the paper has to fold
12.
in gold 02:51
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you write your name in gold that's what i'm told please make it home you leave your face in my wall and i'm unsure your message, short your voice seems cold you talk in codes you lie in rows you leave me on hold right on the phone your message, fraught there's nothing inside your room just air and soot just air and cool i up and leave your side you tap my spine and i'm left behind your voice seems bold you talk in codes you lie in rows you leave me on hold right on the phone your message froze you write your name in gold that's what i'm told please make it home you leave your face in my wall and i'm unsure your message shows
13.
weekend chemist run 02:18
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i spilled a lifetime's worth of tears just to check if you could still feel but you didn't say a thing just arched your back and turned a heel and i made it alive. with no cross to bear god, i wish i had a cross to care for wish i'd lost and had a thing to search for but i'm gone i went alone at night, thinking it'd be the best thing for a broken heart and a broken will to go on with one's day and i made you alive. with no cross to bear god, i wish i had a cross to care for wish i'd lost and had a thing to search for but i'm gone and it's done like a rocket into the sea you've disappeared completely
14.
never gonna happen 03:58
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i said i didn't want to go you go and have a good time but you twist my arm with an angel's sweetness i come with you while you drive with my hand in yours i knew i was safe because you were with me your friends delight in your appearance i lose you now in the big crowd and i stick myself to the wall like a gum, i hold on they like you so much more and i know what they're saying what they see in your shadow you hold so much promise your smile is almost blinding like a gun in my temple you're so beautiful you're so beautiful all the signs in the wall said it so i leave the party like air escaping through a crack of a needle and i'm outside the walls for the first time, i feel cold hail a taxi, ask him to take me to the park, though i know it's too dark now i wanna die and curl up with the air above me look at the stars because i knew i'm losing you i knew it's never gonna happen i knew it's never gonna happen
15.
truth and crime 02:03
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i can see it in your eyes so don't try to lie i can tell the truth and crime in your smile in your smile so let's just be real to what we feel to what we feel there's no reason to be the enemy the enemy this is a whisper to relief i can't breathe, i can't breathe i know that nothing is real until we can believe

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released July 15, 2015

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crushinglove Manila, Philippines

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