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technicolor

by crushinglove

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1.
coast is clear i'm ending it here road closed for construction blocking the way with this wall to keep the water from flowing i see your face i hear my name i need a rest to begin i hope it stops me from spinning further into space i'm disappearing it's worse than it seems it's getting deeper it's gettiing farther and i need to feel something else and i need to begin to see the light i see your face i hear my name i need a rest to begin i hope it stops me from spinning further into space penny drops the sky is falling further into space i hope it stops me from spinning further into space penny drops the sky is falling further into space
2.
i just realized i've been alive longer without you by my side yet you still have me at a chokehold i cannot shake no matter how i try you're a shadow you will not fade no matter how bright the lights i find to shine no matter how bright the lights i find to shine you never speak a single word of comfort i never hear your voice and i've forgotten how it sounds i've forgotten how it sounds but you're a shadow you will not fade no matter how bright the lights i find no matter how bright the lights i find
3.
hibernate 04:15
drama starts unravels from a loose thread in my mind it spins a yarn i've lost my way into a forest of compulsion i cannot pause to replay i have spun away with this tale in this riddle i cannot fail it needs an immediate answer can i just hibernate story starts i cannot wait to end it so i try to read the last page but it doesn't make sense disconnected from the rest i need to pause to replay i have spun away with this tale with this question i cannot fail it needs an immediate answer can i just hibernate story starts i have spun away with this tale with this question i cannot fail it needs an immediate answer can i just hibernate
4.
will you allow me this simple favor be a memory that i can bury in my heart in a cage that will never spark that can never hurt me will you remember for the both of us the wounds of yesterday that scars we carved into each other the names we took the love we stole from those who deserve it most we don't deserve it will you forgive me can you even forget is that a possibility however remote it's not so easy do you realize now we're meant to spin in circles and drown in doubt tell the same old stories relive the same old glories the devil in the details until we disappear into each other the names we took the love we stole from those who deserve it most we don't deserve it
5.
the hours 04:01
i know i regret that it ended not in goodbyes but accusations speculations recriminations it should have been better for the both of us just know i needed silence and space away from the situation the numbers added up to me on the other end of this equation life seems to be the opposite it works like it has an agenda and a bias against reconciliation or maybe it's just me maybe it's just me this couple of years haven't been easy for you and for me for everybody the isolation has stolen a lot from us stolen a lot of love stolen a lot from life and still the numbers tick and drop and still the hours keep adding up and still the numbers tick and drop and still the hours keep adding up
6.
technicolor 04:48
i swim in the river of memories i go near the center approaching the bottom i may be careful not to ever drown but sometimes i ask if it's worth being around staying afloat because i remember you fully in color technicolor i'm in black and white and i'm black and blue sometimes sometimes you're the reflection in the water you're the voice in my head so can you reach from wherever you are pull at my feet take me to the weeds i won't fight your ghost when i feel it but i never feel it i just keep swimming in this river of memories when i go near the center approaching the bottom i may be careful not to ever drown though sometimes i ask if it's worth being around it's worth staying afloat because i remember you fully in color technicolor while i'm in black and white while i'm in black and blue and i'm asking for you just asking for you
7.
i'm getting afraid i'm making a mistake of leaving too soon and now it's too late the voice in my head tells me i'm just too old to restart to go back to nil if i want to breathe if i want a break i'd have to begin from zero once more meet new friends and brave the cold shoulder of youth and look in the mirror and see my face cheeks caving in i'm losing faith i say a prayer and i beg a god i don't believe in i pray with my heart for the courage to pick the pieces that life has broken again the voice in my head tells me i'm just too old to restart to go back to nil if i want to breathe if i want a break i'd have to begin from zero once more meet a new me braving the dark places i fear look at myself look at it hard walls caving in

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released January 19, 2022

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crushinglove Manila, Philippines

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